Dominic Thinks He Can Just Barge in Here and Start Barking Orders Like He's in Charge or Something

The next time Dominic wants to talk to the board, he better make an appointment. >:(

Dominic is Recommending You Use a One Iron for This Shot

A one iron? But the ball's only a chip shot away from the green! :o

"It's a slow green!" Dominic shouted.

Dominic Has Laryngitis

"I CAN BARELY TALK!!!" Dominic screamed furiously.

Dominic is Shouting That "It's Time to Get Physical!"

"No more of this existing in non-corporeal form!" Dominic shouted.

Dominic Says His Latest Invention "Works Like Magic"

What is Dominic talking about? This invention doesn't work at all.

"Of course not, dummy!" Dominic shouted. "Magic doesn't work either! What are you, five?!"

Dominic Doesn't Think You're Really Appreciating All of the Nuances of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

"Okay, we're going to start this DVD from the beginning, and we're going to watch it again!" Dominic shouted. "And this time, I want you to pay attention!"

You can struggle against your bonds all you want. You're stuck in that chair.

Dominic Hung Wind Chimes

"Now my archenemy, a light breeze, can never sneak up on me again!" Dominic shouted.

Dominic is Running with Scissors

"My biggest fear is that floating eyeballs will attack me while I'm running!" Dominic shouted. "I never feel safe running unless I know I'm holding something capable of gouging an eyeball!"

Dominic is Going to Spend Six Months Living on the International Space Station

"I hate astronaut food!" Dominic shouted. "So I'm bringing 900 cans of beans! I'll be living of nothing but canned beans while I'm on the Space Station!"

Um, Dominic, do you realize that you'll be sharing the Space Station with other astronauts in a confined space, breathing recycled air? :(

"It works out to about five cans a day!" Dominic shouted.

Dominic Made a Time Machine... Out of a Toyota Prius?

How lame. Doesn't Dominic know the cardinal rule of building time machines: If you're gonna build a time machine into a car, why not do it with some style?

Dominic Hates Macaroni Art

Dominic held up the paper plate with bits of dried macaroni glued to it and shouted, "What's this supposed to be?! A smiley face!? It sucks! I hate it!"

Then he threw it on the ground, stomped on it, and handed it back to the kindergartener.

It was a picture of you, Dominic. It was supposed to be a picture of you. :(

Dominic Decided to Play Easter Bunny While You were Asleep

"Except, instead of chicken eggs, I hid fish eggs in your house!" Dominic shouted.

"The best place to hide them was in your vents!" He shouted.

"Then I noticed your house was a little chilly, so I turned the heat way up and left!"

That explains the horrific stench that woke up the entire household on Easter morning. :(

Dominic is Not Afraid of the Darkness

Dominic opened the closet door and shouted, "I'm not afraid of you!"

Then he quickly shut the closet door before any of the darkness could get out.

Dominic Says He Can Build a Raft to Finally Get Us off this Island

"All I need is for all of you to gather up twenty pontoons, and I'll do the rest!" Dominic shouted.

But this is a desert island! It doesn't have twenty pontoons! :(

"Hey! I'm doing the hard part!" Dominic shouted. "I'm the one who will have to build a whole dang ol' raft! All I'm asking you to do is bring me a lousy twenty pontoons!"

Dominic Has a Shoebox Full of Memories

I asked if I could look inside, and to my horror and disgust, I discovered the box was stuffed with brains. ;P

"Imagine how many memories are in those brains!" Dominic shouted.

Dominic is Getting Angry; Says You Wouldn't Like Him When He's Angry

"I've been exposed to high doses of gamma radiation!" he shouted.

Um, Dominic, exposing yourself to gamma radiation does not really make you turn into the Hulk. It just gives you radiation sickness. :(

"Still!" Dominic shouted. "You wouldn't like it when a guy with radiation sickness gets angry!"

Dominic Threw Caution to the Wind

Caution sustained a concussion and some internal bleeding. However, doctors say he's holding up well and should pull through.

Such a brave little guy, Caution.

Brave little guy.

Dominic Wants to Take You on a Magic Carpet Ride

He bungee corded a Persian rug to the roof of his car and wants you to sit on it while he drives 90 mph down the freeway.

"I can show you the world!" Dominic shouted. "Shining, shimmering, splendid! Tell me, princess, now when did you last let your heart decide?!"

Did that convince you to ride on Dominic's "magic carpet"? No? Dominic keeps on shouting; "A whole new world! A new fantastic point of view! No one to tell us no! Or where to go! Or say we're only dreaming!"

Dominic is the Greatest Guy Ever... Annnnnd... April Fool!

UPDATE: Yeah. No, seriously, Dominic makes me angry. It's true. This whole post and the new blog design was all April foolery. Except that thing about me starting a new blog. That was true.

What follows is the REAL blog post for April 1, 2009:

I don't feel awful about all the awfully true things I've said on this blog about Dominic. I thought he was just this big jerkface.

But then he goes on his very own Facebook page to promote my actually is true and not an April Fool's joke, new blog, Duck with a Gun. What a nicely self-serving thing to do! Maybe I've not been wrong about him all along!

I guess I'll never have to rethink my purpose on this blog. I'll never not post a bad thing about him again!