Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Dominic Wanted Me to Drink Weather Appropriate Drinks

Dominic did not think that it was appropriate for me to drink a frozen Margarita in this cold weather.

"I made your Margarita more seasonally appropriate!" Dominic shouted.  "I mixed it with a cup of hot cocoa!"

Monday, July 15, 2013

Dominic Purchased a New Van

When I realized that the ice cream truck had just driven up and down my street for the eighth time blasting the 1812 Overture, I knew that Dominic had purchased a new van.  There's only person who knows how much I hate the 1812 Overture.

Not to mention the sound of children shouting at an ice cream man who won't stop.

Saturday, July 13, 2013

Dominic Is Learning Old Western Saloon Songs

"I need that authentic saloon sound, so I un-tuned your piano!" Dominic shouted. 

Twinkle Variations is not a saloon song.  


Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Dominic is Taking Asses and Kicking Names

Dominic knows that it took me hours to match up those asses with their names and now I'm going to have to start all over again.

Friday, April 26, 2013

Dominic Is Giving Back to His Alma Mater

"I don't need this anymore!' Dominic shouted and he slapped his diploma on the desk of the registrar. 

"I need my $70,000 worth of tuition money back!"

Did Dominic even pay for college in the first place?

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Dominic Got Everyone to Send a Special Message for my Birthday.

Dominic wanted me to have a special birthday, so he emailed all of my friends and told them that I was trying to better myself and wanted everyone to tell me what biggest personality flaws were.

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Dominic is Standing Up for His Rights

Dominic is suing his book club for Human Rights violations. 

"It's a my right to choose 50 Shades of Gray!"  Dominic shouted. 

But Dominic, you've never actually attended book club. 

Monday, December 3, 2012

Dominic Took Revenge.

"This will teach you to spit up on my new tee shirt!"  Dominic shouted as he slashed the tires on his son's stroller.  

Monday, November 19, 2012

Dominic Took a Spill

Dominic knew the entire nation was waiting for the election returns from his district before the election could be called.  They were almost done counting the ballet when Dominic "tripped" and knocked over all 536,084 ballets and they all had to be counted all over again. 

I had to stay up for 4:00 AM to find out who won the election.  

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Dominic Might "Win" on Iron Chef



Dominic took the ingredients and made an unforgettable soufflĂ©, but the judges unanimously decided that it was just awful. 
"Yes, that's the ammonia. It cleanses the palate!" Dominic shouted. "Now who's the big winner!?!?"

Friday, September 21, 2012

Dominic Loves His New Ambiguous Job Description

St. Vincent's Home of Sad Orphans should have been more clear about what kind of help they were looking for when asking for volunteers.  

Apparently Dominic thinks the orphanage was looking for a volunteer to raid the fridge and break all the toys.  

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Dominic Studied for His Exam

"I got a perfect score!" Dominic shouted. "I stayed up all night studying and completely blew away my optometrist!  Now I don't have to wear these unsightly glasses anymore!"

Dominic, I don't think cheating on your eye exam is going to help you.

"I didn't cheat!  I studied!!!!!!" Dominic shouted.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Dominic Won't Eat the Nice Sandwich I made for Him

"I hate crusts on sandwiches!" Dominic shouted. "I'm not eating it until you cut all the crust off!"

But, Dominic, I made the sandwich on a sub roll.

"So!?" Dominic shouted. "Just use a carrot peeler!"

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Dominic is Giving a Safety First Lecture

"As a pedestrian, you always have the right of way!  There's no need to look both ways!" Dominic shouted.  "Looking both ways will make you appear weak!  Looking weak led to more pedestrian deaths in 2011 then it did it 2010!  It's an epidemic!!!"

Dominic couldn't site the source of his statistic.  Making up statistics is very unprofessional and I spent a lot of money to attend this conference.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Dominic is Sorry He Broke a Coffee Mug

"I accidentally broke the handle off of a mug from your new matching set of coffee mugs!"  Dominic shouted.  "I am so sorry!" he sobbed, "I tried to replace it, but they only sell them in sets of 2, so I broke off the handles on all the other mugs, so at least they will still match!"

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Dominic Let You Think for a Moment that You were Finally Free

"Ha! Ha!" Dominic shouted. "I just put your cage inside a larger prison!"

Monday, May 14, 2012

Dominic's New Hobby is Shaving Cats

"Now you're aerodynamic, Colonel Whiskers!!" Dominic shouted. "Fly! Be free!"

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Dominic Threatened to Sick His Army on Me

"I've been growing an army and they are almost ready for battle!" Dominic shouted.  ''They have been trained to show no mercy!"  

Actually, Dominic's sunflower army is a little bit menacing.  

Monday, May 7, 2012

Dominic Asked a Stupid Question

The lady running the seminar said we shouldn't be shy. "There's no such thing as a stupid question," she said.

"This is not a statement so long as I end it with a question mark!?" Dominic shouted

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Dominic is Making Feeble Excuses

"That was your goldfish?!" Dominic shouted. "I'm so sorry! I thought it was a bag of microwave popcorn!"

"Lots of people I know keep their popcorn in a fishbowl, so it was an honest mistake!"

On a related topic, someone's gotta clean out the microwave now, 'cause you know Dominic isn't going to.